When I think of Neptune in synastry, the duality of the Neptune experience comes to mind. Neptune is the higher octave of Venus but not often expressed as that. Wandering around in a hall of smoke and mirrors and lots of illusion is a far more common experience. Yes, it’s possible we can find our “soul mate” and live happily ever after is a cloud of romantic bliss . . . and if you buy that I have this piece of real estate in the hinterlands that would be perfect for you.
Neptune is darn tricky to understand but when it comes to synastry I see Neptune as playing an important role. He can soften some of Saturn’s harsher edges and give us some relief from Pluto’s obsessions. Or he can lead us down the garden path and make both Saturn’s strictures and Pluto’s obsessive behaviors even worse. Think of some poor badly abused individual that proclaims how much their abuser “loves” them because their addictions to drugs and alcohol (Neptune) are being fed. Admittedly this is an extreme example but there are lots of these folks out there in this type of situation.
If we see sextiles and trines between Neptune and various personal planets in a comparison, I find these are helpful in promoting a pleasant romantic vibe. If it’s Venus involved there is likely to be candlelit dinners and flowers that are given for no particular reason except to express appreciation for one’s lover. With the Sun and Moon, Neptune can bring a deep sense of connection, often spiritual in nature and a willingness to exercise tolerance generously. Sometimes Moon/Neptune aspects can promote an emotional, psychic awareness of each other. Mars/Neptune aspects are good for cheering each other on to achieve especially if one or both people are in creative professions. Neptune can be a source of inspiration and creativity that seems to well up out of the cosmos.
Neptune conjunct personal planets and the Ascendant/Descendant can be a little trickier to handle. It’s been my experience Neptune is on his best behavior with some harmonious distance involved. Up close and personal as in the conjunction, he can start churning out his illusions easier and it’s easier to get lost in them. However, Neptune conjunctions do intensify the sense of a psychic link as well as empathy for the other. So I tend to give them the benefit of the doubt and look to other aspects to get an idea of how the Neptune effect will play out.
It’s the squares, inconjuncts and oppositions with Neptune that can get really interesting – particularly the square aspects. Here is where the desire to escape from sordid reality can seriously emerge and create major difficulties. Religion, drugs, and other assorted addictions are often a part of relationships with the tension creating aspects. The opposition can lead to being seduced by a so-called “spiritual leader” where one person projects all kinds of fanciful notions on another. Neptune is often about projections and expectations – both our own and others. With the inconjunct the effect may be of either living in la la land with occasional shocks of cold, hard reality or the reverse which may be more manageable.
When Neptune has us firmly entranced, it seems we must dance to his tune until something else happens to break the spell. In a typical relationship, we are most “in Love” for about two years or there abouts. Now which planet changes signs roughly two and half years . . . . Saturn!! Saturn can help ground us and show us the way to enjoy Neptune’s benefits without succumbing to his downside. This reason I say this is because I have Moon conjunct Neptune natally closely sextile to Saturn and that is my personal experience of both of these outer planets.