There has been discussion about the Inconjunct (150° degree aspect) in synastry and soul mates but I’m not going to go there since this is outside my personal experience realm. I’m going to discuss the possibilities inherent in everyday interactions when people have the personal planets inconjunct by sign in synastry. We are under the aegis of Earth now and it is nuts and bolts time, not ideology that is asked for.
A reasonably typical scenario is when two people are attracted to each other with red hot chemistry shown by strong Venus/Mars aspects between them. However when we look at the way the Luminaries and Mercury relate we find the inconjunct showing up. Let’s start with what happens when the Luminaries (the Sun & Moon) are inconjunct.
If person A has Sun in Gemini and person B has their Moon in Scorpio, the Gemini Sun will feel like all their efforts to relate are falling into a black hole of the Scorpio Moon. Gemini likes to keep things light and chatty and someone with Moon in Scorpio goes for brooding and secretive. There is a stark difference in style here and the possibility of the Sun person inadvertently offending the Moon person just by walking their walk and talking their talk is high. There is a better chance for the relationship to succeed if person B’s Sun is conjunct, sextile or trine person A’s Moon because it will give them a way to work around the differences shown by the inconjunct.
When the Moons are inconjunct, the greatest obstacle is the nature of the way the Moon operates in our charts. The Moon shows our habit patterns and our emotional response, often in an unconscious way. For instance, someone with Moon in Virgo is going to have difficulty living around a Moon in Aries person. Virgo is inclined to be very private about what they feel and slow to commit and fiery Aries just jumps right in and wants to know when they can move in! Earth and Fire have very different priorities around the home. Practical workarounds usually require lots of space, patience and negotiation. It’s also helpful if there are flowing aspects to the Moons from other planets in the synastry.
Mercury inconjuncts I do know a little about because that I have experience with. My Mercury in Scorpio is inconjunct my SO’s Mercury/Jupiter conjunction in Aries. The saving grace for me is Mercury is very strong in my chart and communicating well has been a long time focus for me, otherwise the frustration level would be much greater! Here’s an example: my mind is very slow to wake up, so telling me something important first thing after I wake up is usually not a good idea. Mercury in Aries wakes up totally engaged and ready to rock and roll. We learned to wait until I’ve been up for at least an hour before talking over critical matters – but it was tough to break our instinctive patterns of communicating.
Mars/Venus inconjuncts often indicates difficulties in timing. One person is exhausted or has other demands on their time, or they just aren’t in the mood, etc, etc. If the rest of the synastry is great, this can be consciously worked around even if it doesn’t feel very romantic.
Patience and a good astrologer can be very helpful when it comes to sorting out ways to work with inconjuncts in synastry. Knowing what’s going on is often the key to helping us be more understanding and considerate of each other. So if your lover is frustrating the heck out of you and you want to gain some insight as to ways to resolve it, collect your birth data and see an astrologer . . .
This is the Temperance tarot card from the Lover’s Path deck. Vulcan and Venus are an excellent example of very different types having to find a way to relate.