I have been musing about the importance of the Moon in synastry and have concluded it is important indeed if the relationship is to last any length of time. In fact, I would place having the Moon in a harmonious aspect to another’s Moon right up there with good Mercury aspects, necessary for good communication.
The Moon represents how we handle our feelings and emotions, our little routine habit patterns, the way we feel about home and family and is often largely unconscious in expression. It is next to impossible to make adjustments to behavior patterns if we cannot identify them, isn’t it? If the natal Moon is in aspect to the outer planets (Saturn, Uranus, Neptune & Pluto), we can face even greater challenges is figuring out why we do what we do under emotional stress.
Over the years I have looked at both the charts and the relationships in real life of many people and that is why I stress the importance of compatible Moons, at the very least by sign, if not degree. The conjunction, sextile, trine and opposition are all helpful while the square and inconjunct are very troublesome.
For instance, my husband and I have our Moons in exact opposition – his in Aries and mine in Libra, fire and air. His ex-wife had her Moon in Cancer and they fought bitterly the entire time they were married. This was very, very hard on their two Gemini daughters who have both told me how much happier everyone is and has been since their dad and I have been married.
The easiest way to determine why one Moon sign is compatible with another is to look at the element of the signs. Earth sign Moons (Taurus, Virgo & Capricorn) are comfortable with other earth signs and the quiet understanding of water signs (Cancer, Scorpio & Pisces). Fire signs (Aries, Leo & Sagittarius) love the sparkle and energy of other fire signs and are feed by air signs (Gemini, Libra & Aquarius).
However, air and fire struggle attempting to connect with earth and water. I know from personal experience how difficult it is for my Libra Moon self to live with a Cancer Moon person – usually because I inadvertently step on their sensitive feelings. Just think of what it must be like for a water sign Moon living with a boisterous fiery Moon. Yikes! Earthy Moons just think fire and air Moons are frivolous . . .
So if you are playing around looking at the “what if’s” for someone who caught your eye and you have the good fortune to lay your hands on their birth date, check the sign and element of their Moon as well as the Mars-Venus stuff. Dealing with a constant string of hurt feelings due to emotional miscues can dampen the hottest chemistry.
As for Mercury in synastry – how the heck can you effectively fight with someone you can’t talk to???? Remind me to take this up another day. 🙂
Libra Seeking Balance 
With a Gemini moon, I find it very easy to get along with my Sag moon boyfriend, though we do not cohabitate. In contrast, it’s nearly impossible to live with my 4th house Cancer moon sister, even though she’s an Aquarius and I’m a Libra. We’re great friends when we don’t have to share space.
One thing I always struggled with is that my own personal sun/moon combo is incompatible elements (water sun/fire moon). So, if I’m attracted to, say, someone with a water moon (which my water sun would dig), in the end, it clashes with my own fire moon. What is there to do in this situation?
Hey Jessica!
In contrast, it’s nearly impossible to live with my 4th house Cancer moon sister, even though she’s an Aquarius and I’m a Libra. We’re great friends when we don’t have to share space.
That about sums it up all right. My Scorp sister has her Moon in Cancer sq my Libra Moon (& Mars-Saturn conjunct in Cancer sq my Sun). I love her dearly but she completely drives me around the bend living in the same house. We did not get along at all growing up but have developed a decent relationship as adults.
diane~
Hello Anon,
One thing I always struggled with is that my own personal sun/moon combo is incompatible elements (water sun/fire moon). So, if I’m attracted to, say, someone with a water moon (which my water sun would dig), in the end, it clashes with my own fire moon. What is there to do in this situation?
I have to say please your fire Moon first, especially with a water sign Sun. Water signs in general tend to more sensitive to emotional issues which the Moon represents.
Also be sure to check for good Mercury aspects in the synastry because those will aid in working out acceptable compromises with your friends & lovers.
diane~
Thanks! I think that’s the natural state I’ve been subconsciously tending towards–it would explain the preponderance of a certain fire sign in my life.
Erm, my husband has a Scorpio moon and I’ve a Leo moon. I’d say that the first few months of dating weren’t easy as he came off as secretive or “quiet”, emotionally, and I am a goofy songbird. To others, at first glance, he appears “cold” while I appear “warm”, but we are more than that.
Our relationship has taken work, that’s for sure. We love each other much, and are able to talk about anything, so the ride has been worth it.
Like Deb, my man has Moon in Scorpio (conjunct Neptune in Scorpio) while I have Moon in Leo (conjunct Saturn in Cancer). We’ll be together 10 years on April 2nd.
My father (Libra Moon conjunct Neptune and Saturn in Libra) and his girlfriend (Cancer Moon conjunct Uranus in Cancer) have been together over 25 years. I think that outer planet conjunctions to the Moon make a big difference in compatibility.
My bf has Moon in Scorpio (trine Mars) and my Moon is in Leo (conjunct Uranus and trine Saturn), too. No conjunctions anywhere in synastry except a couple planets to the nodes. We’ve been together a year now, which is more than I can say of umpteen guys I got involved with over the years who all had lots of lovely conjunctions with me and compatible Moons and yet dumped me within 6-8 months. I think it’s useful once involved to see synastry things that explain and help you work with issues or differences, but hard to use it to say what will ultimately work. So much in the individual charts shapes the interactions – my Moon/Uranus conjunction may make me more open to a partner who’s quite different, for example.
Fascinating that we have three examples of Moon sq Moon in synastry and ALL three are Leo-Scorpio! Great discussion. Thanks all for adding your thoughts here.
Whenever I hear about Moon sq Moon relationships lasting many years, the astrologer in me wants to see the rest of the synastry between the charts. If anyone is comfortable sharing birth data from both parties, please email me using the form on this page. I freely admit to a major bump of curiosity w/Mercury in Scorpio conjunct my ASC.
An element often overlooked in classic synastry (with the exception of Stephen Arroyo) is how much the individual enjoys a challenge and how that figures into how much having Moon sq Moon bothers them. With my Moon-Neptune conjunction in Libra, I need a peaceful home environment to thrive. There is a good reason I fled outside and into books growing up with one sister having Moon in Cancer & the other Moon in Capricorn neatly making a T-square with mine.
I completely agree with those suggesting outer planet aspects to the Moon make a big difference. The nature of the Moon is receptive and reflective. A Moon conjunct Uranus in Leo will be quite different from Moon conjunct Uranus in Cancer but both will still reflect the Uranus need for personal autonomy. Ask how either of those would feel about being flat told what they are “supposed” to feel about something. hee
Hey! Thanks again for great feedback! 😀
I don’t yet know how to read synastry charts so I don’t know if my partner’s Taurus Moon squares my Cap Moon, but I do know that our Mercury aspect must be relatively harmonious because we can talk about anything. It’s my Scorpio Sun that blocks it and needs a kick to shift things enough that the words start pouring out. 🙂
My mom is a Pisces moon and I’m a Sag moon and she makes me CRAZY. All the crying, all the drama, all the clingy and needy and I can never satisfy her. UGH. My dad was an Aqua moon and at least we didn’t cry all over the place. I’m tired of Mom being butthurt over every single thing and taking it soooo personally.
So yeah, fire moon and water moon so don’t work.
Hey Joe!
Moon in Taurus is trine Moon in Cappy – very, very positive. And you are right about your Mercury’s because they are sextile (Libra to Sagittarius).
diane~
Hello Jennifer,
My mom is a Pisces moon and I’m a Sag moon and she makes me CRAZY. All the crying, all the drama, all the clingy and needy and I can never satisfy her.
Does she realize the harder she clings, the more your Sag Moon wants to head on down the road? This is a tough combo all right.
I’m beginning to feel Moon sq Moon between family members tends to be more challenging to live with than between lovers. Probably because they often lack the cushioning affect of romance & sex. 🙂
diane~
Great site, thanks. My BF is Scorpio sun, moon Gemini, merc Scorpio, venus Scorpio, mars Leo and asc Virgo. I am Taurus sun, moon Scorpio, merc Gemini, venus Aries, mars Gemini and asc Libra. With our sun/moon, venus/moon, and merc/moon conjunctions we have no problem communicating but the moon/moon quinqux (sp) is bothersome to me. We see each other just on weekends and trips. I could not live with him because of our different temperments – and that’s OK with me -what we have is really special. It would almost be too intense if our moons were compatible!
Welcome Ann!
the moon/moon quincunx (sp) is bothersome to me. We see each other just on weekends and trips. I could not live with him because of our different temperaments – and that’s OK with me -what we have is really special. It would almost be too intense if our moons were compatible!
I can understand how a Scorpio Moon would find sharing a home with Gemini Moon problematical. Scorpio really, REALLY likes their privacy and Gemini is always ready to socialize.
Something I’ve learned over the years is if a relationships works for the two of you, that’s all that counts. There is a much greater tolerance now than there was even twenty years ago. All to the good in my opinion. 😛
diane~