Observations: Patterns & Inconsistencies in Relationships

This subject has been nagging at me seeking expression for several weeks now so I decided to write about it. As most of you know, I have Sun conjunct Chiron in Libra and have been puzzling out relationship issues most of my adult life, and in the process I have become rather good at spotting patterns in both my relationships and others.

Generally speaking, most people don’t start questioning what is going on with their relationships until around their first Saturn return in their late twenties-early thirties. Saturn is very good at reminding us time is passing and asking for performance reviews . . . bless his pointed little head.

Astrologically speaking, we can start sorting by outer planet influences (ruler of the seventh house, aspects to the Sun, Moon and Venus in particular). If Saturn dominates, then you were too busy getting your career off the ground or you are married with children and are not going to waste your time reading this. Uranus pushes for total autonomy and the need to feel unconfined by rules of any kind. Neptune? Neptune would have us all out “rescuing” sad sorts with just TONS of potential, manifested or not – either that or pulling the wool over our eyes for our own good, of course. And if it’s Pluto, it’s all about control and not losing it.

Next we need to sit down and honestly review our own patterns in relating to others. Are we faithful, willing to compromise and truly listen to our partners? How long do our relationships last? If there a consistent “type” we fall for? Do we even want to be part of a committed relationship at all, or are we happier living alone where no one else is messing about with our belongings?

Then we need to take a close look at what we know about our sweethearts, especially if you are looking for something more lasting. What is their dating history? Is there a pattern of cheating or being cheated on? How do they handle money? Rejection? Treat their family members or people who cannot directly benefit them?

Another red flag for me is glaring inconsistencies. For instance, what would you think if your beautiful partner who treats you so well tells you about a pattern of previous partners cheating on them? There has to be a reason for that. One of which would be choosing really self-centered, narcissistic types, or another possibility is this person was cheating too. Either way, it’s not a good sign.

While Saturn is in Libra, we have an excellent window of opportunity to learn more about our patterns of relating. If after giving these questions due consideration and you realize some adjustments are needed, I recommend seeking out good professional help. Though I am not one of them, there are astrologers out there with degrees in counseling who are dedicated to helping people understand why they do what they do.

Where are you on this journey? Making progress or stuck in neutral?


5 responses to “Observations: Patterns & Inconsistencies in Relationships

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Taking a look at patterns and inconsistencies in relating to others - painful maybe but necessary. -- Topsy.com·

  2. And I have Chiron on my Descendant opposite my Moon, so I’ve puzzled these things as well! Having Venus, Pluto and Mercury conjunct also aid in (force?) the delving into these things. It has not been an easy ride. Saturn on my 5th house cusp, too.

    I think you’re very right about looking into someone’s previous relationship patterns. I can remember listening to guys I dated talk about their exes and feeling like I could totally sympathize with the ex! When I met D I was very cautious (Saturn transiting my Sun). He had a good relationship with his ex-wife and spoke well of her (though I made sure it was really really over), and his in-laws had recently given him tickets to something for his birthday. He has friends he’s kept from childhood as well as newer friends, many of whom I met very early on (this after dating guys who wouldn’t have me meet anyone from the other parts of their lives, even after months of dating). There are no guarantees, but checking out past and present relationships do help you see a lot about someone.

    My own relationship history is pretty shaky, but not for not trying. You do have to also take into account that people make mistakes and can grow.

    • You do have to also take into account that people make mistakes and can grow.

      That is the ideal outcome and one most of us are working towards. Some days I am happier with my progress than others . . . 🙂

      Having a partner who is willing to be open about their history AND maintains good relationships with friends and family is a very good sign.


  3. Hmm, “types”. I have Venus/Uranus on the 4th-5th cusp, and Aquarius on the descendant. Don’t fence me in! Luckily El Pisces has Venus in Aquarius and Uranus in the 7th, so he can swing at my pitches. I also tend to move as a way of dealing with relationship issues. I don’t think I’m terribly Uranian in general but it acts out disproportionately in my relationships versus the rest of my life.

    I have Neptune in the 5th trine moon on the MC which is hard. I end up feeling like I get stuck taking care of everyone in my life, both in romance and at work! Ugh. Getting better at that, and moving toward self-employment seems to be helping.

  4. I don’t think I’m terribly Uranian in general but it acts out disproportionately in my relationships versus the rest of my life.

    Funny how that works. Aquarius on the DES does like a partner who can pick up after themselves. Clingy types need not apply.


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