Observations: A Sad Moon-Pluto Tale of Family Synastry

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There is something about Moon-Pluto aspects in family synastry that can produce plenty of challenges to all concerned. My mother-in-law who has her Cancer Moon conjunct Pluto visited recently and spent a couple of nights with us. It had been several years since we’d seen her because she lives in another state and doesn’t travel much anymore. It has also been years since we spent more than a few hours in her company . . . a good rule in this case.

When we were first married, my MIL would announce she was coming to stay with us for several days with no consideration for our schedules. I put an end to that when I wrote her a letter stating in no uncertain terms this wouldn’t fly and she had to ASK if we had time for company. Over the years our visits had devolved to meeting for dinner at a local restaurant . . . just about the right amount of time for our point of view.

My Libra Moon is sextile Pluto in Leo and my husband’s Aries Moon is trine Pluto, manageable most of the time as we both have Saturn aspects to our Moons. His Saturn opposes his Moon and mine is sextile. Saturn is good at boundaries and helps keep Pluto’s tendency to obsess over every little thing in check. Plus Pluto sextiles and trines don’t ride the Moon as hard as the conjunction or square. We can take a step back more easily, allowing for some awareness to filter in that we might have gone a little too far.

After her visit this time I looked at our charts and spotted the pattern causing all of us so much stress: A cardinal Grand Square created by her Moon-Pluto in Cancer opposition to Saturn-Mercury in Capricorn squaring our Moon in Libra-Moon in Aries opposition. Cardinal signs about guarantee it is actions we take and the Moons suggest those actions are of the habitual, daily routine sort. No wonder it feels like she is always right under foot demanding attention when she is in our home!

Another disruptive aspect is a T-Square with her Uranus in Aries conjunct my husband’s Moon and opposing mine with her Jupiter in Cancer at the apex. She has given us many rather expensive gifts for our home over the years that we either don’t need or don’t like. We’ve attempted to make suggestions ahead of time but those tend to fall on deaf ears. Yeah . . . Uranus in Aries, Mr. “My way or the highway”. I get the feeling those times over the next couple of years when the Uranus-Pluto square hits our Moons, she’s going to be involved one way or another. *sigh*

I still feel the best way to learn to live with Moon-Pluto natal aspects is to acknowledge the obsessions and emotional baggage those bring into our lives. And again, I suggest reading both Donna C’s excellent book on Pluto and Judy Hall’s Hades Moon to get some insights in living with them. As for my mother-in-law, I feel sorrow for her but also acknowledge her complete state of denial. At 80 something it is exceedingly unlikely this will change. I can only continue to deal with my own baggage and pry my fingers off one obsession at a time.

14 responses to “Observations: A Sad Moon-Pluto Tale of Family Synastry

  1. As someone with a gnarly Moon/Pluto opposition t-squaring my Venus, I can honestly say that it can get better. You don’t have to obsess. The key is to not let the intense emotions make you reactive. The less reactive you are, the more you dampen the emotions.

    • Hey Eme Kah! 😀

      The key is to not let the intense emotions make you reactive. The less reactive you are, the more you dampen the emotions.

      This has been my experience too. Step back & detach rather than diving in deeper.

      xoxoxo diane~

  2. Seems like she’s been a key part of your maturation…there must have been much self-reflection out of the shadow side of yourself her presence stimulated. I had similar stuff with my stepfather – learned so much because of the forced closeness, even though it often hurt.

    • Welcome Lyn!
      Seems like she’s been a key part of your maturation…there must have been much self-reflection out of the shadow side of yourself her presence stimulated. I had similar stuff with my stepfather – learned so much because of the forced closeness, even though it often hurt.

      Indeed interacting with her pushed me to take direct action . . . a big deal for non-confrontational Libra me. One thing this experience did affirm is the importance of recognizing what we can’t change and must simply accept as per the Serenity Prayer. Ultimately the only person we can work with effectively is ourselves.

      Being a step-parent myself & going into that role when Pluto was transiting my ASC taught me lessons about control issues all over the place. As in when to step back & shut up . . . 😛

      xoxo diane~

  3. Sounds like your insights are helping you become a baggage free tool-kit full astrologer Divine D. It all begins with us doesn’t it? as we dodge and weave our way through relationships. 😉

    • It all begins with us doesn’t it? as we dodge and weave our way through relationships. 😉

      Sooooo true, Karen, so true! 😀 😀

      xoxoxo diane~

  4. I have never thought of Saturn being a balm for Moon/Pluto, but of course it makes total and complete sense! I have Capricorn Moon square 10th House Pluto (both aspect 8th House Saturn). A lot of things in my psyche only made sense when I began to study astrology. I am hoping my upcoming transits’ more stark effects will be tempered by what I’ve learned to live with internally.

    I LOVE that book, Hades Moon. I can’t say enough about it. I read it because you recommended it. Another book I read in the past year which helped me a lot was Demetra George’s book Mysteries of the Dark Moon. It revolves around New Moon energy but I found it particularly helpful for an in-depth look at the various Dark Moon energies, which are Plutonic in nature.

    In my case my Moon also trines my Chiron/IC conjunction. I have mother baggage. Luckily I had some excellent therapy and gained tools that will last me my whole life:)

    x

    • Hey my friend!! 😀

      I have mother baggage. Luckily I had some excellent therapy and gained tools that will last me my whole life:)

      No surprise w/Moon sq Pluto! I highly recommend some type of therapy for dealing with Moon-Pluto aspects. We NEED an objective framework (Saturn) to start making sense of all the crappy feelings and experiences. What amazes me is how effective the regenerative side of Pluto is. Donna C talks about those w/ Scorpio/Pluto being able to work a great deal of their own stuff out once they know where to start. I see Saturn’s influence as helping break the traumatic experience down into digestible portions . . . still have to work at it but at least it’s possible to make progress. 🙂

      xoxoxoxo diane~

  5. Strangely I’ve never thought to look at the ‘synastry’ between me and my mother and boy how I wish I had before today. She also has Moon conjunct Pluto in Cancer though with an 8 degree orb. Her Pluto is sextile my Mars and trine my Jupiter but that’s not what jumped out at me.

    I have had to deal with my Pluto/Venus opposition and it is right on top of her Asc/Desc with my natal Venus conjunct her natal Jupiter on the DC. My Mars is on her MC and her NN is on her IC and my natal Jupiter. Will have to let that sink in and get my head around it.

    All my own angst about being a woman comes from her side of my family so I guess I shouldn’t have been so surprised. Will now have to take a look at her mother and see what I can shine a light on with that as well.

    • Hey Rossa! Good to “see” you! 😀

      All my own angst about being a woman comes from her side of my family so I guess I shouldn’t have been so surprised. Will now have to take a look at her mother and see what I can shine a light on with that as well.

      It is appalling amazing how frequently these aspects show up thru the generations. My mom had a Moon-Pluto trine . . . not the worst but still issues. BTW, 8° is not too wide for either Saturn or Pluto though it might take longer for it to kick in.

      Venus-Pluto aspects are almost always hard to live with too. Pluto is not easy to live with no matter how benign the aspects.

      xoxoxo diane~

    • Rossa, familial trauma on my maternal side, as well. For generations. My great-great-grandmother died when my ggrandma was a child…she in turn emotionally abandoned my grandma when she was an infant…my grandma didn’t mother my mother, and my mother was completey emotionally unavailable to me. About as comforting as a stone bed.

      I have Chiron conjunct my IC…mum’s Saturn is conjunct this, and her 0 degree Leo Pluto squares my Chiron. My grandmother’s Pluto opposes my Moon.

      My niece, who is 8, has Pluto/Moon/IC conjunct. Poor lass. The effects have been pronounced and obvious since she was in the womb.

      The good thing is, I got help and I believe my sister will too, eventually. My sister has Chiron/Moon conjunct in her 8th House.

  6. Snap, Kashmiri. My great grandmother left my grandmother and her sister to be raised by her father when she was only 3. Father was a very strict Victorian intellectual so emphasis on education and thinking rather than emotional intelligence and wellbeing. In many ways my mother’s family could be described as emotionally autistic. They have no empathy, talk at people and like to give orders rather than ask for things. Have no idea of the impact of what they say can have on people on the receiving end and never learn either which is very frustrating. COnstantly repeating a behaviour that gets the same result time after time and not being able to ‘see’ that it is a problem. And blaming everyone else when it all goes wrong for them.

    Grandmother didn’t want kids but had 5. All pushed to be academically inclined and all believe they are very clever even if they are not, so also control freaks. Very aggressive, argumentative and convinced they are always right. Spiteful, petty and cruel and even in their late 60s and early 70s constantly trying to score points off each other. Very like a school playground where they would all be bullies as underlying it all is a lot of insecurity.

    Hard to grow up in that environment when you aren’t of a similar mindset. I have traits that are clearly similar but at least I am aware of them. Unfortunately my sister has the same traits and her sons are following in the same mould which breaks my heart. She says she hates how the family behaves but then demonstrates exactly the same behaviour. I have had to distance myself from all of them apart from my mother who lives with me.

    It may also explain why I never wanted children of my own as the example I grew up with was not something I wanted to repeat myself. Good old Pluto opposite Venus has had a lot to teach me 🙂

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